We have several people who like to meet with us to speak English. One day we were with one of them and he was driving us around to look at some things he had built. He was talking to Tom who was in the front seat in English when all of a sudden Tom said "Watch out!" and we went into a big hole in the road. The two of us in the back (myself and another man who is Russian but a professor of English) had quite a bounce. All day when when we parked at the places our friend wanted us to look at he would just leave his car running while we got out and looked around. When we got to an old building he pulled off to the left of the road and just across the road was the Neva River. I was trying to get out of the back seat (we were in a Mercedes sport car with only two doors). Tom and the professor were outside standing in back of the car and the driver was walking around in front when all of a sudden the car started rolling across the road, toward the river. The man in front started pushing on the bumper trying to stop the car. I was trying to scurry between the bucket seats to get to the front seat to hit the brake. Can you image me scurrying any place let alone between two bucket seats. The professor was trying to stop it by grabbing the back bumper. I am not sure what Tom was doing but when he saw the car moving he yelled to the professor “get in the car and step on the brake”. Later this man told us he has never driven a car and had no idea what a brake was. Finally when the driver realized he could not stop it by being in front he ran and got in the car and got it stopped. Then he said “no more speaking English while I am driving, it is dangerous”.

When I got home I had the following e-mail. I wish I could give it to the people here but they would never understand it.

I love this Doctor, who ever he is.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
'If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride!'

AND......

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

It fit our day perfectly!!!!!!!